I am married to a freelance sound engineer who travels a LOT for his job and it’s a safe bet that we spend nearly as much time apart as we do together. The distance dilemma is nothing new. In fact, the first three years of our relationship and the first year of our marriage was a long distance one. During our LDR years, I lived in Montreal while my husband was based in NYC.
As a married couple who are both involved with music, you would think that it’s a match made in heaven. It is a rare unicorn person that can truly understand and support the lifestyle we lead and we are blessed to have one another to love and lean on. Yet we also face unique challenges as a result of our relationship.
DOWNSIDES OF LONG DISTANCE LOVE
Different time zones. Missing important events like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, weddings and funerals. Murphy’s Law events ex. car trouble, emergency hospital visit, a broken appliance or a flooded basement.
You see where I am going with this, right?
Single folks understand more than most as they are often forced to deal with life events on their own, without having a partner to help shoulder the responsibility and stress it can cause.
I am home more consistently than my spouse is and it feels like the crappy events tend to happen more so on my watch…and it can be overwhelming at times. The most I can do is call my husband and tell him about whatever is happening, but I have to put my big girl pants on and take control of the situation. For the partner who is away, it is also frustrating for them because they feel helpless in the situation and can only offer moral support.
The other big problem with being apart for an extended period of time is that you miss each other – a lot. Physically. Sexually. Emotionally. Spiritually. The bond forged between a couple in love is a beautiful gift and not being able to be together to nurture it can put a strain on the relationship.
Whether you are the half of a relationship duo that travels regularly for work or the anchor in charge of day to day operations on the home-front, here are a few things that I practice that can help you to strengthen your bond with the one you love, wherever you are.
STAYING CONNECTED
Daily check-in. Above all else, I feel it is imperative that you see and/or hear each other at least once a day. No matter how busy your day is, signaling to your spouse that they are the highest priority is key to sustaining your relationship. Even if it’s just for a minute, to say “Hi, how are you and I love you”, use technology such as Facetime, What’s App and Skype to the fullest.
Surprise! Send them a special delivery such as their favourite food, flowers to where they are staying or include a love letter in their luggage that they’ll easily find. It’s the small gestures that make a big difference.
Plan time together. While you’re apart, make plans to do things together that you will both enjoy. Whether it’s a week-end getaway or a date at the zoo, it helps to have something to look forward to.
Embrace being independent. Take advantage of being alone to either catch up with friends, do activities that speak to your spirit and practice self-care. This way, you will have interesting details to share with your other half during the daily check-ins.
Talk it out. Be prepared with one another to deal with resentment and resistance, especially if you are separated for an extended period of time. Although the reasons for being apart are logical, the mind doesn’t always agree with the concept of absence makes the heart grow fonder. Patience, understanding and compassion will go a long way to getting you both through the rough moments.
As with everything, having a sense of gratitude and appreciation for your relationship and the sacrifices being made as a result makes it all the more worthwhile.
